I don't like to compare myself with other people as I feel to each their own plus everyone has their fate and destiny planned differently. But sometimes, you tend to compare yourself to others unknowingly and then BAM you start listing down what the other person has achieved so far as compared to yourself and you kind of feel that sadness eating at your heart.
Body-image wise I think I am still okay and though sometimes I feel frustrated for being bigger than most girls, mostly when I am shopping for clothes or shoes, I am grateful that I am still healthy and able to move around.
It is mostly the financial and social aspect that affect me most of the time. I see people who are younger than me travelling most of the time and it would affect me. Last time I used to get affected and feel bad that I could not afford branded goods even though I have started working but slowly I learn it is not necessary to be flashing well-known logos if in reality you cannot even afford a proper meal! It is the travelling part that got to me usually.
I see most people who are of my age or within my age group who are already married, starting a family and though it does not affect me most of the time, sometimes I do wonder if I ever will be married and have my own family and children one day.. But I am fortunate that I am not pressured as to get married at the soonest possible so this part is still manageable. Still, sometimes when negative thoughts kick in, I do wonder if I lack anything..
Somehow sometimes I would also suddenly feel as if I do not have friends to talk to when I want to have a heartfelt conversation. It is so hard to explain how I am feeling at times. The negative thoughts will suddenly decide to be switched on and it would leave me feeling depressed for the rest of the day. Thank goodness a goodnight sleep usually help rid of them.
Not sure if it is a quarter life crisis or whether the fact that I will be joining club three zero in a few years time that is affecting my feelings and emotions. I always tell myself and others that age is just a number but let's get real, you would feel old at times when you are already of certain age because that is the reality! No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that age is just a number, you will somehow be reminded that age is still a number that is pretty important for some reason. Like the biological clock stuff and all.
I don't like to indulge in self-pity as it is unhealthy so I try as much as possible not to get affected by the things that I have written above. Also, I feel guilty if I kept saying I have not achieved much as it feels like I am being ungrateful though I am come so far and be where I am right now.
I think I also have this problem where I think about something and then I am being pulled at different directions when I try to think of solutions for the problem.
It is so frustrating sometimes to fight this inner battle alone. But you have to because only you can feel how you are feeling and even if you try to share with someone how you are feeling, I doubt that the other person can feel exactly how you are feeling. So many feelings I am so confused.
It is a constant battle and it will always happen but at the end of the day, I have only myself to fight this battle with.
*Takes a very deep breath and continue with life*
