Quick Update - When dreams (or vision) do come true..

While at work and doing my usual routine, I realised what I am actually doing was what I had dreamt of or envisioned once upon a time ago.

When I was young, I used to think how do someone actually work in an office setting. I would not just think of it but would actually have many questions which no one has answer to my questions. Not because they do not know how to answer but because I was questioning myself and trying to come up with very good answers to my questions. Obviously I would not get any specific answers as I was then just a young girl, probably was in primary school thus I would not exactly know how the real world functions yet.

When I was much younger, I followed my parents to HDB Hub when they did the sell/buy transaction of the HDB flat. They told me how I was fascinated with this computer-like machine and pretended to be one of the HDB officers, jotting down notes etc. Apparently, I even told them I wanted to work in HDB where the officers "sit inside the office and people will come to them".  I realised slowly that now I am working in a property-related sector.

I guess most of us children would also have similar ambition to be either doctor, policeman or teacher. At one point of time, I also had the ambition to be a teacher. Slowly the ambition dies off naturally as I know my patience dries off easily. I was never really a good tutor for my brother and sister especially when they were younger as I am easily frustrated when they take long to understand any concepts that I am sharing with them. It was during those time that I told myself I would never be a teacher. Nevertheless, I am also fascinated each time any teacher prepare their teaching materials especially when they flipped stack of papers before distributing to students. Yes! Simple things like that could excite me. Now that I am working in an office setting, sometimes I would need to do mass printing and it is during time like this that I get to fulfill the feeling of teacher "flipping those papers and distributing them out". Only difference is I am distributing to my fellow colleagues instead of students.

Long Read - Let Them Go

Letting go of something, especially one that is so dear and close to your heart is never easy.

That was exactly how I felt letting go of these prized possessions. You would definitely know why. Just look at all the handsome faces! Gosh I felt so sad to finally have to let them go :(

Growing up, I used to buy magazines randomly. But as the years pass I would buy selectively, that is only when Salman Khan is featured on the cover. Bias much. I know. Fangirl for life!

 

  Love all the covers but my favourite got to be the left one below. 

Honestly I do not know why I was always rushing to get the magazine each time I know Salman is on the cover. The content and write-up in the magazines on him are mostly things that I already know or would eventually know since I am on Twitter following multi Salman fanclub accounts.

During a recent major cleaning up, we had to dispose old books and papers and stuff which cannot be kept anymore. In the midst of all the clutter were these magazines. As there is no space to keep them and realising I would have to be separated from them one day, I decided on impulse to throw all of them away. My younger self would have taken the time to tear all the covers from the magazine and keep them in her organizer.  

Some time later, I asked my sister and brother if they saw this black file which I have kept since I was 13 years old. There are some old pictures, random memos and A4 sized pictures of selected Bollywood artists which I kept in the file. Of course one of it is Salman's picture. According to my brother, I said to just throw it away. I must have acted on impulse again as I did not remember about the file at all during that moment. The file and its contents which has been painstakenly created since I was 13 years old is all gone in one brief moment!

Though I was upset and sad, there is no way to retrieve the file and its content back. I realised it was time to let go. Though the physical material is no longer with me, the memories will always remain.

So along with the magazines above which is now only left with pictures of them, my file containing memories since I was a teenager is now no longer with me. Sometimes, it seems as if I am letting go of my youth. Ok I think I better stop. This feel so melodramatic.

Long Read - Moving On

Moving On

It is hard to move on from a specific drama especially if it is a really good one. One that you have invested time and emotions along with the characters portrayed in the drama.

I take time to really move on from any drama that I watch. It is hard to watch the ending and simply let go of all the characters and story that you have been following.

Initially, I thought of doing a screen-grab and posting it on twitter as a way to finally let go of the drama serials that I have been watching. Then I thought why not do a proper blogpost so that I can write more (if my brain and fingers cooperate with each other).

So let's begin!

Since the following drama are all Malay drama, I think it would be so much more appropriate if I write my thoughts in Malay. More feel.

Kau Aku Kita  
Iman Firdaus (Aus) dan Iman Firdaus (Iman)

   

Tak ingat macam mana boleh terfollow drama ni. Tapi yang paling menarik perhatian untuk tengok episod-episod seterusnya ialah pelakon-pelakon yang sangat bersahaja dalam menjayakan watak masing-masing. Oh baru teringat! Mula follow Saharul Ridzwan bila dia bawak watak Faizal Psycho dalam drama Love You Mr Arrogant. Tengok dia ada berlakon dalam drama ni jadi saya pun follow la drama ni. Lama-lama tengok drama ni, suka pulak cara lakonan pelakon-pelakon utama yang sangat natural. Jalan cerita drama ni mudah and  ringan cerita dia tapi menjadi sebab pelakon-pelakonnya.

Patahnya Sebelah Sayap
Alisha, Amzar dan Kuzairi

Drama ni memang saya nak tengok sangat sebab sebelum mula drama ni memang dah minat Izzue dan Aeril. Mula minat Aeril sejak drama Cinta Jannah. Izzue pulak mula dari drama Sebenarnya Saya Isteri Dia dan sebab kumpulan Forteen, Drama ni nak dikatakan berat jugak ceritanya. Seorang bekas tunang yang aniaya tunangnya yang telah menolong dia waktu dia kesusahan sampaikan sanggup nak membunuh. Izzue berlakon watak jahat sampai menyampah jugak la tengok watak dia tu.               

Nahu Rindu
Fateh dan Nazira

Sebab utama tengok drama ni disebabkan Patahnya Sebelah Sayap. Bila dah start drama ni, baru tahu drama ni lagi berat jalan ceritanya dari Patanya Sebelah Sayap. Kesudahan cerita dia pun tak disangka dan sedih.

Suamiku Paling Sweet
Izz Haikal dan Qisaa Iriz

Mula-mula tengok drama ni secara tak sengaja. Tak follow pun drama ni dari mula tayangan sebab jujur tak kenal dengan pelakon-pelakon utamanya. Tapi lepas tengok episod 1, tertarik untuk terus follow drama ini. Izz Haikal sememangnya seorang suami yang tersangatlah sweet.

Tak Ada Cinta Sepertimu
Athea dan Hazran

                             

Sejak tengok Suamiku Paling Sweet macam minat pulak kat Syafiq Kyle ni. Tapi tak semestinya semua drama dia yang saya tengok. Jalan cerita pun penting jugak. Mula tengok drama ni sikit-sikit je tapi bila dah tengok macam bagus pulak cerita ni. Terutamanya bila watak utama ialah seorang makcik yang berkorban untuk anak-anak saudaranya. Drama yang bagus. Satu scene yang agak sweet - bila Hazran teman Athea di hospital. Sebelum tolak Athea ke bilik pembedahan untuk pemeriksaan, Hazran pakaikan selendang yang Athea lilit kat leher dia dan cakap "nampak lagi rambut awak". Tengok scene ni rasa ia macam subtle sweet. Sweet yang tak perlu dipaksa-paksa tapi datang secara semulajadi. OST dari drama ni pun sedap-sedap.         

Klik! Pengantin Musim Salju
Adam dan Kay/Kaseh

         

Mula follow Nana and Alif sejak drama Dia Semanis Honey. Drama yang ringan jalan ceritanya. Buat saya nak pergi Sapporo waktu musim sejuk dan salji. Konflik di hujung cerita hampir sama macam Dia Semanis Honey sampai terfikir si lelaki ni tak belajar-belajar lagi ke dari kesilapan dia dulu. Padahal dua-dua watak yang berbeza tapi disebabkan dilakonkan orang yang sama, maka ingatkan mereke orang yang sama.

         
Nur
Adam dan Nur
                                

       

Drama terkini yang baru habis saya follow ialah Nur. Jalan cerita yang sangat berbeza dari cerita-cerita yang sudah dan padat dengan pengajaran. Antara sebab tengok drama ni dah tentulah sebab ada Syafiq. Tapi jujur saya katakan, pelakon-pelakon dalam drama ni semuanya bawak watak dengan sangat baik sampaikan kita pun rasa kesedihan mereka, menyampah dan benci dengan kejahatan mereka. Kesudahannya baik tapi macam boleh dipanjangkan sikit ceita kekesalan si kakak ipar atau ibu mertua. OSTdalam drama ni pun sangat kena dan sedap lagu-lagunya. 

Long Read - Not So Random Post

These have been stored in my phone's notes for some time and I think it is time I publish these thoughts here.

August 2016

I feel terrible that I am not happy for you.

In the past I would share the happiness and like everyone else I waited for you to make the big announcement, that you will be tying the knot with the special person. But this time round it's different.

This time, the feeling is all but happy. There's an unsettling feeling that I find hard to explain. Like there's no sincerity. Each time there's new updates I kept brushing them aside as I'm very confident that it's just some rumours which would eventually dies off. You're afterall the most eligible bachelor and everyone can't wait to see you settle down and the lucky one that you finally choose to spend the rest of your life together. 

Like the line out of Maine Pyaar Kiya, I too feel like I love you too much that it hurts. It's weird to think I would feel such way seeing that we have never met, never cross path and never saw each other in person before. 

So how do I explain this feeling? Obsessed? I do not think so. As much as I love you I believe I still stand firm on reality ground that you are there and I am here and it's near impossible that we would meet and fall in love and be married to each other. So definitely I'm very much still sane and sound as I might sound crazily and madly in love with you. 

All I want is for you to be happy. I've seen you over the years and I very much wish that you be happy always because you deserve it. I love seeing you smiling laughing be happy whenever you are around children. It's like you're smiling from your eyes and it's all coming straight from your heart. 

Being the sane person I am, I'm sure there will be one day finally when you do decide to get married and have your own family. I wish nothing but the best for you. 

I'm not sure how it'll be when you are finally someone's husband. But you'll still be the same person I have always known you as. I doubt anything would change once you're married. I believe I will continue to love you as my love for you didn't just grow over the night but rather it grow over the years and it just gets stronger day by day. 

To me, you'll always be my first love and I'll always have you in a special place in my heart. 

Love forever and always. Kyun ki tu hai mere pehla pehla pyaar hain.

December 2016 

Never met you but from the way I speak of you, it seems like we've known each other for long. I call you Salman, not Salman Khan. 

I admire how you are not shaken by all the hateful and hurtful words and choose to keep quiet. Yet you make your voice heard when you feel that it's needed.

It hurts sometimes when I see people mocking you. But I have since come to term that as much as there's people like me who love you, there'll be people who hate you too for whatever reason they might have. It's better to focus on the good things because why should I waste energy to feed the negativity?

It's impossible to make everyone like or love you but I know I'll continue liking you and loving you as long as I could. 

Seeing you smile and laugh melts my heart. Seeing you in pain breaks them and I just felt like giving you a warm hug. So please smile and laugh more!

I've had people telling me I'm crazy for being so obsessed with you. I've had people questioning why I choose to like someone like you, when there are plenty of othet better men around.

I can't answer them and desribe to them exactly why I fell in lovewith you. But I try to when I see them trying to understand this whole pagalpan

I don't know when this love will last.  Hopefully forever and always, for as long as I could. 

Salman, my no. 1 favourite man.