Sometimes I wonder if things might have been better if only we took action earlier.. But later I think that all these are ujian Allah and we are being tested. Probably mom's condition would be different but we won't be as close as we are now?
Almost 3 years later and we are being given a different kind of test again. Not only towards mom but all of us are in this together. At times I wish to have a conversation with dad asking how he really felt all these years but I stop myself. What good can it bring? Probably feeling of regret? Plus I doubt he would really be completely honest with his answers. Even I would not give an honest sharing if anyone were to ask me. Different person might get different respond depending on how close I am with them or how comfortable I am to share all these personal thoughts and feelings.
Being the eldest, I tend to take the responsibility to always be the first to shoulder anything. Nowadays I realise I don't have to do that and that it's alright to get help or ask for help.
When I see both mom and dad, I see them aging and they are less strong as compared to last time. It is tiring mentally physically and emotionally not forgetting financially at times but I'm grateful to be given the chance to serve them. Probably this is my rezeki and hopefully all these will go towards my saham akhirat Insya Allah
We think we have it bad but it's only when we hear others share their experience that we realise there are others who have it even worse than us but they are still surviving and doing well.
