Long Read - How I came up with the name "Diwaniladki"

As far as I can recall I have grew up watching Hindi films since I was very young all thanks to my mom. She watches Hindi films since young and has been watching them till I came along, continues watching them and to date she still watches them, though she is more selective nowadays.

Though I started watching Hindi films and was exposed to Bollywood, I did not start off being Salman Khan's fan or anyone for that matter. I watch films that my family watch and learn to recognise the actors and actresses slowly one by one. I came across a diary I wrote when I was very young and on the list of my favourite actors I had list down Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan, Aamir Khan, Ajay Devgan, Uday Chopra and Hrithik Roshan. That was how much I was into Bollywood then and I like everyone whose films I had watched. The list has since changed over the years :D

I guess I have to admit it is because of Shah Rukh Khan that I found out about Salman Khan and how everything else started to change.

Watching mostly Shah Rukh's films since young and probably because everyone love him, I wanted a favorite actor who is exclusively mine. I cannot exactly recall how I suddenly found myself attracted to Salman. But I really believe my love for him was not simply because of love at first sight. Rather I believe the love grew little by little as I started reading up on him.

Intrigued and rather annoyed at seeing how Salman was being labelled as Bollywood Bad Boy, I started checking out on him and reading lots and lots of articles that were written about him. While there are plenty of articles labeling him in a negative light, there are equally plenty that shows him in the positive light. It seemed strange to me too that this man this actor who most say negative things about him did not bother clarifying the facts. He just seem not bothered with what is being written about him and he just continues with what he has been doing, acting and all.

Not enough with just reading about him, I wanted to find a Salman Khan related medium where I could find all the latest updates and happening about Salman and then I came across a forum, Sallu.net.

Starting out as a newbie I started exploring the forum and noticed there is one thread where only members
are allowed access and it promised exclusive pictures of Salman. Of course I had to be a part of all that. I had to have a username to log into as the thread is being moderated so that things do not get out of hand etc.

So I thought what better name than Salman Ki Diwani as I am crazy for him. Lucky for me that username was not taken.

I started to post more and replied to some of the comments made by other members in the forum. Soon that forum became my regular and must visit website whenever I have some spare time. It was a great forum and I really enjoyed all the interactions with other Salman Khan fans all over the world but sadly after some time all the people I used to talk to started drifting away and it was no longer as fun as it used to be. I still remember some good friends I made in that forum of which one or two I kept in touch off the forum via email for a couple of years.

Right before the forum lost its magic, Twitter happened and not long after Salman Khan joined Twitter. Though I was reluctant to join Twitter in the beginning, I eventually joined  because of who else, Salman Khan. For a long period I was only following him. Slowly but steadily, I started to follow other accounts and most of them are Bollywood-related accounts.

It was on Twitter that I wanted SalmanKiDiwani as my account name too. Somehow it didn't happen. I chose Diwaniladki instead.

Quick Update - I guess the answer is "No".

The title of this post is the answer to a question I often ask myself. Will I ever stop loving Salman Khan? Will I ever get bored of this man one day and decide enough is enough and remove him from my life? At this point of time, I can confidently say the answer to these questions would be "NO".
Never!

Can you resist this adorable man? I can't.

Similarly, I often wonder if I would get bored of Bollywood and Hindi films one day.. Having a twitter account somehow prevents me from being cut away from all the Bollywood news. Of course there are days I find twitter absolutely dry and boring and will not bother checking for updates up to a few days. But naturally I will check my timeline and be drawn back to Bollywood. Of course having a HUGE crush on Salman Khan does not help. I would always want to know if there is any new tweets from him even setting the notifications on so that I will be notified once he decides to tweet anything new. To date, the notification is set specially for him only.

The latest film I watched, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo and two new songs Deewani Mastani and Gerua somehow restored my faith in Bollywood and Hindi films.

For quite some time now, Bollywood seems similar to Hollywood and the special factor of Hindi films was missing. Watching some new Bollywood films is just like watching some Hollywood films with the addition of songs and dance routine. At least that was how I feel sometime. With the three special mentions in the previous paragraph, I got back what I had been missing from Bollywood.

Not sure why but looking at all of Salman's photos I had saved over the years and listening to Gerua is making me cry.. Not just tears in my eyes but tears rolling down my cheeks kind of crying. Yeh kya hua..?

What is wrong with me!

Long Read - Why do I feel restless?

Typed on 26 Oct 2015 at 10.05pm.

I am supposed to be working on an assignment due this Friday. But here I am about to pour my heart out. Not fully but I do hope to get most of what is bothering my mind and heart out of my system so that I can give my full concentration to my assignment.

Probably was staring into the space when slowly some questions came to bother me questioning what I have been doing in my life and what I intend to do in life.

Anyone has the answers to these questions? Probably no one except Allah for He has written my life story.

Could it be the age that is fast catching up? Naturally one year is added onto my age each year since I was born but it was not until recently that I have been thinking about how old I am getting. Not that I am getting that old but neither am I getting younger each year.

I used to remind myself that age is just a number but is it really just a number?

Soon I will leave my twenties behind and whether I like it or not I have to embrace the next phase of my life. At 30 what have I achieved? Honestly it is my human nature that would answer nothing. But logic would say otherwise. Of course I have achieved certain things in life but it will never be enough. This is the thing that is bothering me. Probably I am too caught up with what one should have when one reaches certain age. In short, materialism. All the Cs that one should have. But really who sets that rule? Society? Should I blindly follow and achieve them even if they are of no importance to me? Surely money, assets, properties, stable job and income are important. But...

I actually do not exactly know what I really want. I can list down all the things I hope to get before I reach 30 or 35 or even 40 but what is the point of all that? Set a goal they said. It will keep you aware of what you need to work for they said. But what if we don't achieve them? Wouldn't that make us demoralized and sad and probably give up totally in whatever we had hope to achieve?

I definitely feel guilty for feeling the way I am feeling. It is as if I am not grateful for all that I have been given so far. I am grateful yes. But sometimes you see a grass on the other side and wonder is it that the grass over there seems greener than the patch you are currently in.

I should probably do this when negative thoughts starts creeping into my system.
Image taken from https://www.colourbox.com

Sesungguhnya hanya Allah yang maha mengetahui apa sebenarnya yang aku mahukan..

Quick Update - Some nights

On some nights when you watch or listen to songs like these:

And you suddenly feel sad and emotional for no particular reason.

And you wonder why?

Have you ever felt this way before?

Quick Update - All the feels

Funny and strange how music and songs can affect your feelings. 

They said you will be affected because you have experienced similar emotion thus you could relate. 

Then there's me who have yet to experience any heartbreak and yet I could relate to some heartbreak songs, get what I mean?