Quick Update - I guess the answer is "No".

The title of this post is the answer to a question I often ask myself. Will I ever stop loving Salman Khan? Will I ever get bored of this man one day and decide enough is enough and remove him from my life? At this point of time, I can confidently say the answer to these questions would be "NO".
Never!

Can you resist this adorable man? I can't.

Similarly, I often wonder if I would get bored of Bollywood and Hindi films one day.. Having a twitter account somehow prevents me from being cut away from all the Bollywood news. Of course there are days I find twitter absolutely dry and boring and will not bother checking for updates up to a few days. But naturally I will check my timeline and be drawn back to Bollywood. Of course having a HUGE crush on Salman Khan does not help. I would always want to know if there is any new tweets from him even setting the notifications on so that I will be notified once he decides to tweet anything new. To date, the notification is set specially for him only.

The latest film I watched, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo and two new songs Deewani Mastani and Gerua somehow restored my faith in Bollywood and Hindi films.

For quite some time now, Bollywood seems similar to Hollywood and the special factor of Hindi films was missing. Watching some new Bollywood films is just like watching some Hollywood films with the addition of songs and dance routine. At least that was how I feel sometime. With the three special mentions in the previous paragraph, I got back what I had been missing from Bollywood.

Not sure why but looking at all of Salman's photos I had saved over the years and listening to Gerua is making me cry.. Not just tears in my eyes but tears rolling down my cheeks kind of crying. Yeh kya hua..?

What is wrong with me!

Long Read - Why do I feel restless?

Typed on 26 Oct 2015 at 10.05pm.

I am supposed to be working on an assignment due this Friday. But here I am about to pour my heart out. Not fully but I do hope to get most of what is bothering my mind and heart out of my system so that I can give my full concentration to my assignment.

Probably was staring into the space when slowly some questions came to bother me questioning what I have been doing in my life and what I intend to do in life.

Anyone has the answers to these questions? Probably no one except Allah for He has written my life story.

Could it be the age that is fast catching up? Naturally one year is added onto my age each year since I was born but it was not until recently that I have been thinking about how old I am getting. Not that I am getting that old but neither am I getting younger each year.

I used to remind myself that age is just a number but is it really just a number?

Soon I will leave my twenties behind and whether I like it or not I have to embrace the next phase of my life. At 30 what have I achieved? Honestly it is my human nature that would answer nothing. But logic would say otherwise. Of course I have achieved certain things in life but it will never be enough. This is the thing that is bothering me. Probably I am too caught up with what one should have when one reaches certain age. In short, materialism. All the Cs that one should have. But really who sets that rule? Society? Should I blindly follow and achieve them even if they are of no importance to me? Surely money, assets, properties, stable job and income are important. But...

I actually do not exactly know what I really want. I can list down all the things I hope to get before I reach 30 or 35 or even 40 but what is the point of all that? Set a goal they said. It will keep you aware of what you need to work for they said. But what if we don't achieve them? Wouldn't that make us demoralized and sad and probably give up totally in whatever we had hope to achieve?

I definitely feel guilty for feeling the way I am feeling. It is as if I am not grateful for all that I have been given so far. I am grateful yes. But sometimes you see a grass on the other side and wonder is it that the grass over there seems greener than the patch you are currently in.

I should probably do this when negative thoughts starts creeping into my system.
Image taken from https://www.colourbox.com

Sesungguhnya hanya Allah yang maha mengetahui apa sebenarnya yang aku mahukan..

Quick Update - Some nights

On some nights when you watch or listen to songs like these:

And you suddenly feel sad and emotional for no particular reason.

And you wonder why?

Have you ever felt this way before?

Quick Update - All the feels

Funny and strange how music and songs can affect your feelings. 

They said you will be affected because you have experienced similar emotion thus you could relate. 

Then there's me who have yet to experience any heartbreak and yet I could relate to some heartbreak songs, get what I mean?

Quick Update - Midnight Reflections

It's past 1am when I typed this post.

I'm listening to 3 Doors Down - Here Without You, Hoobastank - The Reason, Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars and Evanescence - My Immortal. All the songs that will always bring back some memories from secondary school.

But tonight I'm not revisiting my school days which are long gone.

At this moment, I have just checked all the assignments due-date for my current school. Sometimes I can't believe I am actually pursuing my studies in the Uni. It all seems like unreal but thanks to the assignments, grades and exams I'm always brought back to reality land :P

Though I get upset when I get terrible and miserable marks, I always believe that learning is not gauged by the marks and scores. It's about learning new information and understanding new facts that I may have had wrong information before. Yet, I always squeal with delight when I see that I get good high marks for any particular assignments. It's human nature I guess to feel happy when you achieve success and feel sad when you face failure.

My life may not be perfect at this point of time and will never be perfect (because perfect if boring BOO!) but I am grateful for all that I have thus far. Like they always say, count your blessings. What you think is not enough may be more than enough for those who are less fortunate.

- Midnight thoughts & reflections

1.08am
8 Sept 2015