Reflections - How do I look?

As I was looking in the mirror today, I was thinking of how I am somehow finally appreciating how I look. I have since come to term with my skincare which has been so much better as compared to how it was last time. 

On second thoughts, I don't ever recall hating my face or how I look like. Have I?

If my memory serves me well, there was no extreme cases of hating how I was or how I look like last time. 

I did not really like how tall I was last time as I stood out easily among people especially those whom are same age as me. 

But I started liking my height when I was in secondary school and ever since then, I am thankful that I am born tall. It actually somehow hides my weight 😉

Besides the height, I probably wished my nose was straight and I had better hair. But not to the extreme of even thinking of going under the knife to have a better nose. As for my hair, I am born with unruly curly hair. Think Hermione's big hair. Easiest way to manage was to tie them up! Plus the weather rarely allow me to leave my hair open. I always have this fear that my hair if left untie will be big and in the way of others 🤷 During my teen years, I love watching America's Next Top Model. In one of the episode, they were saying how tying up one's hair in high ponytail is to show off one's facial feature and that's a model-like way to do to show off their strong facial feature. Since then, I have been proud to always wear my hair in high pony tail as it means I am not afraid to show off my face and that in a way, is how proud I am with my face. Understand what I'm saying?

I also grew up not liking to wear thick makeup. Probably mom's words about "always putting on thick makeup will make you look older" since young was drilled into me and that made me avoid make up. Plus I think it's a waste to put on makeup only to remove it later on. But I forgot the makeup will minimally stay on my face for more than 2 hours! Side track, I love when someone apply my makeup. It can actually make me fall asleep! 

2023 Doors Update!

 

    

iykyk

 

Quick Read - Mid Afternoon Musing

 Gonna be starting at a new place come May 2023. Genuine feelings? Not very excited. 

It's a new company and new culture yes. Working again with my ex-buddy whom I'm very much comfortable to work with. However, it's going to be the same work all over again seeing pretty much the same issues and dealing with the same people. 

Usually we escape to somewhere new to experience a new space and learn new things. But that's not exactly how it will be for this next endeavour. It might be too soon to not feel happy about it. 

On second thoughts, I'm really grateful that I managed to get to another place even if through recommendation. At least I am still bringing income home and able to support myself and probably parents. 

One of my forever wishlist is to have sufficient funds to be able to support myself and the parents as long as I can. To bring them to eat good food and buy things they like. Calculating to the dollars and cents for this is scary as the country we are living in is costly and almost everything is expensive. 

On my personal front, I am quite happy with how things are right now. I fear to rock my own boat though I am curious how it will be if that happens. The routine life I have now is just nice for me. I hope to be able to venture to more new places and spaces though. 

Sometimes I do feel envious of people around me who seem to be enjoying what they are doing and at the same time enjoying life. They seem to have lesser worry and can plan for their own future better while having the means to do so. Maybe I could do that as well if I could be more selfish and put myself first? 

Quick Read - 2022 Year End BMS Staycay

 Spent year end of 2022 with the family away from home. Stayed in the heart or you can also call it the start of Orchard Road. Everything was good except there was no view as the windows in our rooms cannot be opened! 

Staycay + Concert for one of Parents' favourite artist whom we also grew up listening to his songs. 

Planned to stay outside after the concert for the year end fireworks. We forgot that we had 6pm until midnight to wait. And so we returned to our hotel rooms after dinner with no fireworks or countdown.  

   

Quick Read - My Constant State of Mind

It somehow struck me when I faintly heard her saying, “It’s not her priority right now”. “Its” referring to me finding my +1 and eventually settling down and naturally having my own child.

I was randomly thinking how I would have a 12 years old child if I had become a mother when I was 22 years old and how I might have a 4/5 years old child if I had become a mother after the age of 27 years old. 

Lately, I’ve also been thinking of how our finance never seems enough. The usual want versus need. Even without spending much on myself and simply taking care of basic things, I need around $2K for this expenses. Was thinking if I would have enough savings by the time I turn 55 years old. Would I have enough to stop worrying about money and work only when I want to and not because I need to?

How long would the fund lasts me? Would I need to scrimp and be frugal all the time or I would be able to enjoy life, eat at cafes, buy this and that without having to mentally calculate how much balance I would have left in the bank?

I marveled at those around my age whom are married and have children. I wonder how they cope financially. But to each their own.

Probably this is my rezeki right now. To spend time for my family and for my own self.

How apt that a random song is playing and the words seems to call out to me:

"These battle scars, don't look like they're fading. Don't look like they're ever going away

They ain't never gonna change. These battle"