I am honestly and truthfully lazy to do my work nowadays.
I feel like I have lost the drive to excel in my work. It is out of responsibility that I am still doing my work but I really feel extremely lazy to perform any sort of work. Most of the time I wish that I do not have to work. But of course I want the money. As such, I am working because I want to receive the pay at the end of the month to pay for bills and food and necessity.
I feel like I have been working since forever yet I still have not achieve financial stability. My dream is to have 4 digits in my account at all times and the ability to buy whatever that I need or want without having to check the balance or carry out any calculations. I am working towards this and I can do it Insya Allah.
As I was ironing clothes last night and with the sister passive aggressive showing tantrum, I thought of many things. Mainly the future. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I have my own family and how my parents would handle and cope without me being around. The sister and brother do help out here and there but I feel like it is always me who is the main contact person to my parents even when they are both at home. It could be the first child syndrome or it could be I am overthinking but I always feel like my thinking process and planning align with giving the parents priority before I plan for my personal activity. Marriage talks often pop up nowadays but I seriously doubt if I am able to give my time and commitment equally.
As of now, I am very comfortable with how things are though sometimes I feel that I don't have much time for myself even when I am working from home 3 times a week. Time during the day is given to work and parents when I am home. It is only at night that I set aside some netflix time as I need my alone time to unwind. Right now, my time is all mine. How do I divide my time for more things if I were to have a partner. I don't want to stress myself thinking and trying to give equal attention to everyone and I also don't want to be selfish to my future partner, expecting him to understand how my time works.
I don't want to be an ungrateful person complaining here and there. Yet, sometimes I just feel like I am carrying most of the weight on my shoulders.
Sometimes I would wonder how someone else who might be in the same situation as me handle their time..
