There's an ulcer underneath my lips that just doesn't seem to go away. There's blisters on my left feet which I just got from wearing slippers that I've been wearing for some time now. Both mom and dad are resting. My sister is out for a school activity and my brother is in camp. Yes you heard that right. My brother is now a big boy who has to serve his nation. I can't wait to see him botak! Now he's officially a botak boy!
Nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon (there's plenty to do actually :P) and while folding some laundry plenty of thoughts came to my mind.
I don't think I can list them in order so here goes what's been bothering my mind lately sometimes.
Studies.
I'm on my 3rd year now (yay!) but I feel like I'm slacking day by day. The drive and enthusiasm to learn something new is always there. But I slack when it comes to assignments and exams. Speaking of exams, I have 3 coming up end of this month but I'll be seating for only two. The thing is there's a guide mark for assignments which you have to hit 40 and above before you can take the exams. If it's less than 40, you'll automatically fail the entire module thus no point turning up for exams. Second time it's happening for this particular Financial Management module. Honestly I have no interest in anything finance and maths and my brain automatically switches off when they see these two words. Last semester the lecturer wasn't helping at all. Can't blame the lecturer totally though as I strongly believe there's an assumption that those who took this module must have some finance or banking background. Cut the story short I failed last semester and I retook the module again this semester. Paid for the module again. Yes paid. So don't think that I fail the module because there's nothing I would lose. Money gone, time gone. But at least I think I improve a little this semester compared to last semester. The funny thing is for both assignments that I did this semester the lecturer made the same concern. That I was "very weak" in this module which I am very well aware. I'm at fault too if I'm not doing anything to improve myself for this module. The thing is I tried but I just don't have the interest in finance and figures and money. You get the idea.
Being on my 3rd year, I would be lying if I say the thought of quitting never cross my mind. It did, But each time that happens, I tell myself to just brave it and move forward. Came so far and it'll be a total waste of money, time and effort. Hopefully I will finish in less than 2 years time..
Age.
Reaching 30 surely made me feel old. I always say that age is just a number which I still believe. But it's just human nature that you would think what have you achieved so far in life. Won't compare myself to people around me but surely it made you think that you are different from most people and your journey in life is no parallel to most people. Some casual remarks made by others can sometimes hit you in the heart but you just smile and don't show that it affects you. Am I an alien if I am not in line with what others are doing?
Life.
Same thoughts as age. What have I done so far? Have I achieved what I need to achieve? Am I not ambitious enough?
Something that is so silly but it sure bothers me that shall not be named at this point of time.
I actually had written something on this but at this point of time I will keep it for my own reading. It surely would sound silly to most people but if you care and love something or someone passionately, some things would surely affect you. I shouldn't be writing to much on this. Not yet...
Sunday
The word Sunday always remind me of a friend I know from twitter. Like me, she's a Salman Khan fan and that's how we got connected. I used to call her Cali (California) girl and she calls me Singapore girl. It was okay until something personal happened to her or her life and she decided to quit twitter. We still connected via emails for some time until I stopped receiving her replies and I realised her email account is no longer active. It affected me for a while as she told me whatever happened she would still maintain our communication via email and be like email pal. She knew I listened to Maroon 5 and suggested their song, Sunday Morning. That's how I always associate Sundays with her. It's been a few years now since she suddenly vanished. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well Arpita. I'm not sure if you would still remember me but I do.
There's another email pal that I got to know because of Salman Khan too who I no longer hear from her. Irene, From a Salman Khan forum which is now no longer available, we became friends and exchanged emails over a couple of years. I still remember her favourite Salman's film is Tum Ko Na Bhool Payenge and the title track is her favourite. Sent her an email or two and din't hear back from her. Probably age and life caught up and she's no longer active on emails I don't know. I remember she told me she was 51 years old when I first talked to her. Hopefully you're doing okay Irene my friend..
People come and go in our life and this is something I am trying hard to learn and remember. Since young, my circle of friends have been very small. I used to be jealous seeing people who has large group of friends who they always hang out with, But slowly I realised quantity doesn't matter, quality does. Grateful of the friends I have in life now both that I meet in real life and those that I know online but didn't get the chance to meet in real life yet.
Life continues..
